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The Interview: His Side of Marriage

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It was beyond fun to talk about marriage and to witness your reactions to our various posts pertaining to marriage. For the last installment of our marriage series, we elected to interview a husband who values the institution of marriage. There’s no better way to hear about marriage than from a devoted husband!

Enjoy the interview…

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Do successful women intimidate men?

I believe that strong, aggressive, ambitious people intimidate weak, passive, lackadaisical people regardless of sex. Personally successful women do not intimidate me but many men feel their identities defined by what they do and how much they earn. In my mind it takes a strong women to walk with a strong man. There’s’ no room for intimidation in any loving relationship.

Do you think there’s a shortage of good men?

I don’t think there is a shortage of good men or women. I believe that we attract what we are. A woman only needs to find one man; I would rather see her focus on finding her man as opposed to dealing with all the bad men.

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Why are you married?

The short answer is I’m married because I believe in the power of love, commitment and companionship. The long answer is that I’m married because I love having someone to share my life with, someone to talk to about everything and someone to support and see grow and mature in their life and purpose. I love an accountability partner for all aspects of my life. As an athlete I love the concept of team, and having a lifelong teammate.

Best thing about being married?

The best thing about being married is having a front row seat for our personal growth as a couple. Walking with my wife brings me many laughs and enjoyable moments. Seeing our growth as individuals and as a couple is the best thing about being married.

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 Most challenging thing about being married?

As a husband I believe my job is to a lead my household, love my wife unconditionally, and serve my wife. While there is much depth to these three requirements of being a husband, there are many challenges where the rubber meets the road. Many men believe that being the head of their household means to rule over your wife. Head does not mean dominance and I believe that part of the reason we are so resistant to embracing our roles as husbands and wives is due to our lack of understanding of leadership. One of the most challenging things about being married tie into the role of leadership from a husband’s perspective.

As a new husband it was a challenge to know how to head my household. While I knew the role of a leader my main challenge was how I translated my leadership role to my wife. I had to check the way that I talked; I had to become aware of the words that I used and how I communicated to my wife across the board.

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When did you know your wife was your life-purpose partner?

I knew my wife was my life partner early in life. We met around 6-7 years old and I’ve had a crush on her ever since our initial meeting. There is a feeling that I got with her that I didn’t have before her.

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What advice do you have for men wanting to be married?

I could write a book on the advice for men desiring marriage, but the one key piece of advice that I would offer is to take the time to prepare yourself to enter the marriage space. That preparation involves learning the role of a husband. What your role is in a marriage, and learning what’s involved in being the head of a family. Any man looking to become a husband should have a spiritual foundation, and seek the counsel of G-d as to the husbands’ responsibility in the family unit.

What advice do you have for women wanting to be married?

My advice for women and men is essentially the same. I believe that women should go into marriage understanding the role of a wife and what that means in the framework of a family. I also suggest that a woman not settle for just any man but wait for the man who is for her.

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What are three of the biggest obstacles to a thriving marriage?

While there are many obstacles to a successful marriage I believe the biggest obstacle to a thriving marriage is a lack of communication and a space of total acceptance. In order for you to have a thriving marriage there must be a space of vulnerability in the marriage. Both parties must have a place to rest their heads that is not a space of judgment or shame. Through honest communication within that space you can see your marriage begin to thrive and grow in ways unimagined.

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How can men and women achieve more effective communication between one another?

To improve communication men and women have to create spaces of trust. We have to understand that we can trust each other in order for us to open ourselves for better communication. I also believe that we have to listen with an unaffected ear to hear what the other person is saying, and to place ourselves in the shoes of the other person so that we hear them and their position, and perspective.

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